Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Back and at peace

We sat shiva (7 days of mourning) for a couple of days, and then escaped to Cape Cod for our annual trip.  We had booked our trip way back in January, and decided to use what was left of our reservation as a time for reflection and mourning and remembering Mom.  It was a brilliant idea.  We were taken care of, no cooking, cleaning, just long walks to talk about The Mommie.  Every day we felt a bit better and more at peace.  So I'm glad we went.  Was it traditional?  Nope, but it worked for us.

So now we're at home and I feel pretty good.  I've been driving myself crazy wondering why I wasn't sobbing, but then I realized that I've been watching my Mom slowly decline for months and months.  Her dying seemed like a natural conclusion.  She didn't suffer, she went exactly as she wanted to.  HAH! on going either into a nursing home or hospice.  Not my Mom!  No way!  And I got to be with her for the past 6 years when we moved her to NJ.  Besides, she's totally inside me.  I've absorbed her, and now I have conversations with her all the time.  So, while her body is now longer here, her spirit is very much alive all around and within me.  She still doesn't let me win any arguments.

I started a shawl in green, which I'm calling the Elsie Shawl in honor of her.  She loved green, mostly olive green, which is not my favorite color. but Piffle on that.  I'm using my favorite green.  (Hey, I think I might have won a battle here!!!!)

Lace always looks like a messy rag before it's washed and blocked, but you get the idea.  I'm about to start another pattern and am charting it out.  For once I am not working on a mystery shawl.  Yippee.  It's fun to actually show a pic.

I have admired English paper pieced quilts for a long time, so I decided to start one.  All but 2 of the fabrics are Kaffe Fassett style fabrics.  And all in blues and greens.  The background is an off white Kona.  Here's the first star:

It's good to be back home and back to normal.  I think I'll go for a walk before it gets unbearably hot.

Thanks, all you lovely commentators!   I do feel quite myself again.  It was very very stressful around here since last Sept with Mom health crises, and the last 3 months were beyond stressful.  But in all that time, I really incorporated the Mommie into myself, and I truly feel that she is somewhere in there.  And wagging that dangerous finger at me!


Wall-to-wall books said...

I am so sorry to hear about your mom, but yes, I know you have been having a very hard with her. Her time here on this earth was over and now she is in a better place - I believe that! You'll see her again someday.
You are in my prayers.

Wow beautiful aqua colors today!

Shannon said...

Good to hear that you are at peace - I know that has got to be difficult to go through

Barbara M. in NH said...

We are still in the waiting stage..... we live in NH, and the Mother-in-law (the mother in love, actually) lives in Michigan. We have been put there several times lately, but need to keep our own lives in mind as well, which is tough.

Mom entered hospice on March 1, with a prognosis of "2 days to 2 weeks." 3 months later, we ,ake every plan with the "maybe proviso"...... "Yes, we'd love to visit in June but (insert proviso here.)

The worst part is that she is bored..... she gave away all her worldly possessions and planned her memorial service months ago. Now she just lies there in the bed and waits. It is tough, for her, and for all of us. Thanks for sharing your experience.... it helps.


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