Monday, September 12, 2011

My mom.

I had lunch with my mom today.  She's so old, almost 97, and fragile, and tiny and frail, and I'm sitting here typing this with tears running down my face because I miss the Mommie of old.  I would so love to have last year's Mommie.  She's gone way downhill in the last few months.  Still in good spirits and eats well (if the folks cut up her food, which they do), and certainly knows who I am, who the Hubs is, and who Penny is.  She knows my sister and our kids, but The Hubs, Miss P and I are the ones who seem to most resonate with her.  Funny how that is.  She's clearly got a connection to her 9 year old granddaughter.  And I give Pen full credit for that.  That child is so sweet and kind and gentle with old folks.  She's a marvel.  Could be because she has ancient great grandparents.  On her dad's side, she has her great grandma and Leonard, who is about 102.  and on my side she has my mom.  But little kids are often impatient with or don't uncomfortable with elderly folks.  Not this kid.

But I do miss my mom of last year.  Of last winter.  And I wonder how long she'll be with us.  The beauty of blogland is that I can write this, where I would not cry in front of friends or relatives.  I rarely cry.  But because you are all anonymous, I can let go here.  Funny thing, no?  I don't have to do the tower of strength thing here.  If we passed each other on the street, you wouldn't know who I am.

The sweetest thing my mom says to me with every visit, well, when she's awake, is "I love you."  I'm so fortunate to have her. '

Scrabblequeen - That's my relationship with my mom, too.  I've fought with her from 13 to forever, and I've never won an argument.  Ever. She used to tell me that the day I won a battle with her, she's be in her grave.  How I would dearly love to have an argument with her now.  Still, to have your mother for 67 years is wonderful, and I'll take what I have.

Grace - I was at the doctor's today with a UTI, and I just had to talk to him about my mom.  He's also her doctor, and he really understands her issues.  He told me that 2 things would get her:  an infection, or she would stop eating.  She's still eating, but is so frail that any infection would probably do her in.  He was so kind and understanding.  He's not a geriatrician; she's his oldest patient, but he knows old people.  Great guy, indeed.


Scrabblequeen said...

I soo understand this post! My 89 yr old step-mother is failing...she had a stroke in Feb and has gone far downhill since then. I miss the old, fiesty Jean...who often drove me batty. How blessed you are to have had your mother for so long. Hugs.

Grace said...

My poor mother died very young, 17 years ago, she was 61. She just wanted to live to be 60, since no one in her family ever had. Now I will be 57 this month and I am nervous, I so seriously want to break the mold

Like you and the other dear Ruth, she won every arguement right to the bitter end, it has taken me all of this time to finally fully understand what I lost.

I too send hugs!

Do the Day said...

Every morning at 5:30, I call my Mom. Time to get up and go to the bathroom. Some mornings, it works...most mornings it doesn't. By 8:15 am, I'm unlocking the door to her apartment, wondering what I will find, planning what I will prepare for her breakfast.

This morning, I found her lying on the floor of her bedroom. Her alarm button necklace uselessly laying on the bathroom sink. She fell, not hurt, just scared...and of course, embarrassed because I had to call my husband to come up and help me get her back on her feet.

Mom is 89. Determined to live independently. Refusing assisted living...or...evil of all evils...a nursing home.

It's taken awhile for me to settle into the harness of her caregiver. It is very difficult to become your mom's...mother.

I, too, would love to return to my Mother of even just a few years ago.


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