Wednesday, January 9, 2008

He's a guy. That's the bottom line.

Here's a life lesson for all you ladies: Never assume that your husband/significant other/partner will notice that your hair has been colored and cut and that you no longer look like the wild woman of Borneo. If the Other is male, the odds are that he won't notice, especially if he is a guy kind of guy. You can't assume that he will.

A metrosexual male will probably notice, but not a guy, particularly if he is an engineer/geeky guy. Women have been ranting about this ever since the dawn of time. We have ground our teeth in frustration, yelled and screamed that: "you never notice me", ranted and raved, complained to our girl friends, run home to mother, etc. It hasn't changed a thing. A guy is not going to notice. He also won't notice if you're wearing make-up, or a new outfit. He's not engineered to do that. He's a guy. That's the bottom line. This is a moment of Radical Acceptance. You're never, ever going to change him. So? Do you want him to change you? Nope. So why should you assume that you can do it?

Instead of making yourself crazy about this, you have to take positive action, a preemptive strike. Here's what you do. 1. The day before the hair appointment, tell him that tomorrow you're going to the beauty parlor. Tell him to write it on his hand, on his calendar, on his electronic thingy, anywhere where he will notice it. 2. The morning of your beautification, remind him again. 3. After you're once again gorgeous, call him up and remind him. 4. When you meet up at the end of the day and he doesn't say a thing, don't get mad. Tell him to look on his hand, calendar, electronic thingy. Then, if you're lucky, he'll get a look of wonderment on his face because he's actually remembered, and he'll tell you what a nice hair cut you have.

See, now you feel good again. He's made the appropriate comment, you've been complimented, and the world is once again safe for democracy.

A warning: This can backfire. A few months ago, I mistakenly told him that I had a hair appointment the next day. I had the date wrong; it was for the week after. I didn't call him to remind him because I was busy at work. So, I walked in the door, and Hubbo said: "Nice haircut, dear." Um, the hair had not been cut or colored, but he was on autopilot, and automatically complimented me. Did I get mad? Hell, no. I gently told him that I had the date wrong, but that I was glad he remembered. Poor guy, he'll never live it down. But the next week, did I get complimented!

This lesson also applies to birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Remind him. Many times. Ask him if he's gotten your present, card, whatever. Don't give him that female line that he should have remembered. It ain't gonna happen. But that's part of his charm; he really loves you for who you are, and not for your hair, clothing, etc.

New Yarns!: Secret Garden. This one has tiny speckles of lavender dye in it. Sometimes after the dye has settled, it develops these very small bits of undissolved dye. I usually filter it out, but occasionally I'll use it as is. It gives a kind of pretty effect on the yarn.

And Breeze, another speckled yarn.


andrea said...

Funny. My husband says he prefers the natural look and doesn't want me to wear make-up... but then he doesn't notice if I do wear it. So why listen to him? Men!

Ruth said...

Guys are guys. Even my guy says so.

I don't wear make=up for my Hubbo; I wear it so that women won't think I look bland. Same with dressing; I dress for women's approval.

mapleweave said...

Hey! I'm really from Borneo! But I don't think I'm a wild woman.

Your best bet is to ask your hubby - do you like my haircut? or new color. That will make both of you feel better...

Jen said...

Oh how I love your new yarns (as always). When I got glasses for the first time about three years ago, hardly anyone noticed. It was so funny to me. I felt like I looked so different, but apparently I was the only one that felt that way! :)

Ibunnysavetroy said...

good life lesson...Only i normally forget the anniversaries, he doesn't!


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